The Supporting Power of God

I was thinking the other day. Have you ever held a toddler in your lap? I do it a lot during Sacrament meeting at church, and it gets to a point where they drive me crazy, and I have to beg them to please just sit by me! What is so bad about having a cute, cuddly toddler sit on my lap?

#1 - My legs are too short. If I have my whole foot on the floor, my legs slope too much, and my lap isn't a lap, it is a slide. So, if I want the child to stay put, I have to be on  my toes to form a flat platform for them. (Not that a slide would be unappreciated by that child... but it isn't a very reverent activity, it doesn't work very well in a skirt, and there is still the back of the bench to contend with. Not to mention the brothers and sisters that would want to join a game as fun as Momslide!)

#2 - Kids don't sit still. I have to use my hands to balance them as they squirmy worm all over the place. They lean forward, and I have to keep them from bonking their head on the back of the bench in front of us. They lean to the side, and I have to keep them from falling on their sibling sitting next to us. As they squirm around, I try to keep my focus on the speaker, while I'm on autopilot keeping the kid balanced!

#3 - I get tired! After a while of all the tip-toe balancing act, my legs start to get tired, my arms are tired of being held up and away from my body to support whatever direction the kid wants to go. I don't have a limitless supply of strength to keep this going for an hour and 15 minutes.

#4 - probably the worst thing, the thing that gets them off of me faster than anything else, I don't have enough patience. I want to do what I want to do, not what they choose to do! Eventually, I just get tired of my skirt riding up my lap, my attention being split, my muscles hurting... and I just have to get them off of me before I scream!!!

At that point, the toddler looks up at me with wonder, as if to say, I was having fun! Weren't you? The child is completely unaware of just how much energy it took to keep them on  my lap! There have been a few times, after they have refused to remove their sweet little bottom from my lap, that I show them I am not going to take it anymore. I drop my heels to the floor. I settle my arms down at my side. Within seconds, the kid takes a header off of my lap. They just can't stay on without my help, but are oblivious to the help I am giving them.

When it comes to my Heavenly Father, I am the squirmy toddler. I don't just walk the straight and narrow path, never varying my step. I am much more like J Golden Kimball, who said, "I've never walked the straight and narrow path, but I have crossed it as often as I could." (Not an exact quote, but you get the point.)

There are times that I do see the hand of God working in my life. If I take the time to ponder my day, I can always find something specific He has done for me. But, the point my meandering mind was making to me is this: I am as unaware of how much intimate help I receive from God all day every day as that squirmy toddler is of how much support I have to give him to keep him on my lap. I don't realize when I lean to the side that I am unbalanced, and without God's loving hand I would fall on my face. I don't feel how He lifts the path I am walking to be straight, when it should be a slippery slide. I don't see how close I am to bonking my head on obstacles I haven't thought of, I don't realize that the only thing that kept me from that pain is the quick reflexes of a loving parent.

Thank goodness God has infinite power, and especially infinite patience. Yes, I stub my toes every now and then, but it isn't because God has chosen that moment to relax His hold on me. Sometimes I just go too far, and suffer the natural consequences of my actions. He can't protect me from everything, especially when I choose to become particularly unbalanced. And, there are times when I choose for myself to climb down out of His loving support, and refuse His help all together. It is only at that time that I fully realize how much He has protected me.

In institute, I watched a church video of a man who had left the church, then rejoined years later. He told of the buffetings of Satan that he had endured, and how he had never realized fully the blessings that he had received from his membership in the church, and the companionship of the Holy Ghost, until he had lived without them. I sometimes think about what things I have in my life that I think are mine, but are really only gifts from God. I believe that those character traits that I love most about myself, the things I pride myself in, I would lose if I ever chose to leave this church. I might not notice immediately, but years after my decision, I would look at myself and realize that they were gone, and I would mourn their loss. This is perhaps some of what King Benjamin was teaching when he said without God, we are as the dust of the earth.