Reflections

So, I was just remembering some tender mercies, and wanted to record them to explore the doctrine I was taught.

Years ago, I was having a BAD day. Emotionally to my LIMIT. I don't know what had pushed me to that limit, I just remember it was not a good day for me. I had gone to Wal Mart, and was getting the kids into the car. I was leaning in to talk to the kids, make sure they got their seat belts on, and E shut the door - on my hand. I've had that happen to me before, and I was able to calmly ask the person to open the door because my finger was stuck. That day, it was the last straw, and I shrieked in pain. I remember it took me three tries to get E to understand that she needed to open her door, and once she did I collapsed in a shivering emotional mess on the front seat, ready to just give in and CRY. It was just that much too much for me to keep inside anymore.

Within SECONDS, there was a friend of mine that walked up and asked if I was okay, and seconds after that a man walked up with ice in a zip lock bag for my hand. I tried hard to put my public face back on of calmness, everything is okay, mortified that I had shown that much emotion in PUBLIC!!! My friend made sure I was okay, and went into Wal Mart. I don't even know if I thanked the nice man with the ice. I sat in my car for a few minutes, holding the ice, able to go on with my day again.

My thought today was, who in the world keeps ice in their car? With a zip lock baggie on hand to throw the ice in and give to me. It was so soon after it happened, he didn't ask if I would like some, he just put it all together and handed it to me. I know I'm NEVER that prepared! Yes, he'd probably just bought it at Wal Mart, but the thing is, he was there at just the right moment. And to have a friend walking by in that precise moment, to let me know that I was seen, and cared for. I don't believe in coincidences that strong. God knew that I would need extra help in that moment, and He was ready to give me the help I needed.

As I was pondering that tender mercy, I thought again of another tender mercy that I don't think I have fully appreciated. This past summer, my husband and I had the opportunity to serve as "Ma and Pa" to a family of youth participating in a 3 day Pioneer Trek. I was very excited for the opportunity. My only real concerns were that we were walking 13 miles the first day - and I am not in the best physical shape - and I was afraid that I would do something to upset my tender back. Not having a chair to sit in for 3 days, sitting on the ground (which is almost guaranteed to move it out of its happy place), and just being tired - I was concerned, but like I usually do, I didn't let it stop me from volunteering.

That first day was a kicker, but the walking was at a steady (slow) pace due to the handcart we were pulling. I was able to keep up no problem. By the end of the day, my back was tired but I was coping. Then, we did the women's pull up a hill in the rain, and my already tired back was NOT happy with me. After the women's pull, we had a testimony meeting - standing around in the rain - and my back continued to scream at me. I sat down and tried to rest it, but couldn't find a comfortable place on the wet ground. Laying down on my side, the only thing that slightly gets it back into place, was not an options, and I had more to walk before I could sleep the pain away - the only thing that works every time.

We had a short potty break after the testimony meeting, and as the sun set the support vehicles were leaving to go to our camp. I was hobbling around, unable to walk too well or quickly at all. I was making my way along the road, when I heard the last call for anyone unable to walk the rest of the way - the medical van was leaving and wouldn't be back. All I had to do was raise my hand, call out to them and ask for a ride. I knew that I was being pretty silly by not doing that, pretty stubborn, but I did not want to ride in a van. I wanted to walk the whole way with my family, to experience this Trek with my husband. I watched the van drive out of sight.

I slowly made it back to my family, grimacing with pain in every step. My husband noticed my hobble, and knew what was causing it. We all got ready to leave, and he was obviously worried for me. I was worried for myself. Our cart was one of the first to leave, and I tried valiantly to stay with my family, but I just couldn't walk that fast. I told my husband that I would have to make my own pace, and asked for him to stay with our youth. They continued on, and one family passed me, then another, then another. I wasn't exactly sure what I would do once I ran out of carts to pass me.

I had been talking to the youth all day about a talk given by David A Bednar, titled "In the Strength of the Lord." I highly recommend that talk to anyone who wants to learn more about the enabling power of the Atonement, what some people call Grace. I was praying that I would be able to complete that night's walk, and all of a sudden - my pain was gone. My walk was unencumbered. I RAN up the road, and rejoined my family. I walked the next 3 hours along with them with no problems. I was there to help my "kids" stay positive in the dark, rainy, hilly trail that never seemed to end. I experienced the whole thing. I even took a tumble when my ankle twisted under me, causing me to fall to the ground, roll, and come back up quickly before being trampled by the cart - with no pain to my ankle or my back.

We walked into the camp, and I gave my back permission to hurt again. I could barely move. I almost couldn't change my clothes out of my wet to warmer, dry clothes. I don't know if my faith ran out at that point, or (more likely) I stopped relying on the Strength of the Lord because I felt I could do it myself now. Hubby told our kids what was up with me, and they all helped out, setting up my bed for me and doing things for me. Perhaps it was meant to be out once we got to camp, because otherwise I would have rather hidden the fact from as many people as possible, and would rather not have had to ask for help.

I just realized today, my back pain did not go away until AFTER I started walking. AFTER I stepped into the dark, the light dawned.