Today it sunk in. It started last night, at the end of my last yoga class with one of my favorite teachers at the gym, when I realized that would be the last time I worked so hard and felt so good with my friend. Today was the last dance festival that M would participate in, as she is moving on to junior high next year. Today was also the day that J went for his kindergarten assessment; he'll start in the fall, because as he told Mrs Serr, "I am ready for kindergarten."
A lot of lasts this week, including the last day of school. My work schedule is changing, along with other changes at work that aren't bad, but have added a bit more pressure to my job.
I did cry! Which is weird, because I don't typically cry. It was probably more selfishness on my part. I don't cry about my kids growing up, because it is exciting (and usually easier), but I do cry about having to change my routine. My WHOLE gym routine, which has helped me to drop 40 pounds in the last 2 years, will change. Only 3 of my usual 7 classes will be the same starting next week, and I'll be left without a class on Monday mornings.
Change is always hard. Harder when we hold on to what was, and don't embrace what is coming. SO, here is me struggling to keep an open mind. Here are the good things about the changes.
The gym - I have totally plateaued, so a change here will only be to the good. I will hopefully start to lose the last 20 pounds that I want to get rid of, though I need to change my eating habits at the same time I change my classes.
J starting kindergarten. I will miss him terribly, but he is ready, he is excited, and the positive thing is I will have less daycare costs - more money to pay off debt!!! A great, great thing.
School ending - summer is fun with the kids. I will be on time to work every day, because I will only have to get myself ready in the mornings instead of myself plus 4. As much as I hate being late to work, I can never get myself or the kids up earlier!
M going to junior high - I hope she'll make the transition easily. Junior high is where school really started to be fun for me. I didn't have too many friends in elementary school, but it wasn't too far into 7th grade that I formed the friendships that lasted through the end of high school. I hope the same will be true for M, once her scope of people opens up. She is doing much better than I did in elementary school, so junior high should hopefully be the same - better.
I am changing the way I scrapbook. I've been blocked for a few years, because my software program doesn't work on my new computer, and instead of just getting the same program again, I've tried a few other programs, one for $75, one for $30... and neither are what I wanted from my old program, the new one of which would still only be $30. BUT, I got a half-off book at shutterfly.com, and I am really liking the way it is working, and I know I will like the output better than a regular scrapbook. It is a bit more money than my other way, but if I wait for deals, and like the product better, AND have a digital backup of my work... a few extra dollars would be worth that!
And, the things that won't change. My sweet husband, who works so hard and loves me so much. The Gospel is true, and as much a part of my life as ever. The best feeling in the world is feeling that I have successfully acted as an instrument for good in the Hand of the Lord, that He expanded my small talents into something completely grand. That will never change. My supportive family, my love of music, my ability to laugh. Those things will remain the same, so everything else will be okay.
My favorite scripture applies here; Provers 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not to thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths."
Lead on, Lord. Lead on.
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