J: (in the car, 5 minutes into our drive home) You're killing me!
Mom: Is all the driving killing you, J?
J: Yes! You're killing me!
J: (while playing with Mom) And then Bad Guys came and shot us, and we were dead. (Both play dead) And then we were alive.
Mom: How are we alive again?
J: We were healed
Mom: But, who healed us?
J: Joseph Smith!
J: (First week of Sunbeams) I don't want to go to Primary.
J: (Second week of Sunbeams) I don't want to go to Primary.
J: (Third week of Sunbeams, in front of his teachers) I HATE Primary!
J: (Fourth week of Sunbeams) crying, I don't want to go to Primary!
J: (Fifth week of Sunbeams) I don't want to go to Primary
J: (Sixth week of Sunbeams) I like Primary now. I won't cry.
(As Mom and Dad lean in to kiss in the front seat of the car)
S: (from the back seat) No one look at Mom and Dad!
J: Mom, I want a Spiderman pillow!
M: Lets see if we can find one at Wal Mart.
(After we find no pillow, but do find a blanket)
J: Mom, I want the Spiderman blanket!
M: Maybe Santa will bring it to you.
J: On Christmas, Santa give me money, and then I go to Wal Mart and BUY IT!!!
(After J's stomach rejected his dinner... all over Mom at the restaurant)
S: I've seen frozen puke before!
M: Where?
S: At school.
M: Outside on the playgroud?
S: Yeah. There were... bubbles! (Tone of voice: like the bubbles were the gross part!)
S: Mom, I just kissed my hand, and then I made my hands into a heart, and then I blew you a heart shaped kiss!
Mom: (melting) thank you, son.
S: Mom, when I'm around other kids at school, I just can't help it. I have to talk to them.
Mom: Did your teacher tell you that?
S: No, I told it to my teacher.
M: J, what do you want for Christmas?
J: The presents under the tree.
Kids: Apple, yummy!
J: Apple, yucky
Kids: Apple, yucky
J: Apple, yummy!
E: J, you're so handsome
J: Me no handsome
E: Are you pretty, then?
J: NO! Me no pretty, me HAPPY!
M: I love you, J
J: NO! Mom yub me.
M: I love you, too!
J: NO! MOM yub me!
J: I HATE Gol gym. It not FAIR! (Two words I didn't think a two year old would understand enough to use)
S: Mom, will we wear shoes in Heaven?
Mom: Well, I don't know.
S: Well, clouds are really soft to walk on.
S: Mom, when am I going to be able to pet a bird?
Mom: Well, S, birds don't like to be touched. I don't think you'll ever be able to pet one.
S: What if I held really still?
Mom: Well, if you held really still, and had some food, a bird might come up to you, but I don't know if you could hold still long enough.
S: What if I were really quiet, and could sneak up on one?
Mom: That might help.
S: What if I were INVISIBLE!!!
Mom: Yes, S, if you were invisible, then you would probably be able to catch a bird.
(days later)
S: Mom, what if there were a nice bird, that let me pet it.
Mom: S, the problem isn't the bird being nice. It is that birds are scared of you, because sometimes people aren't nice.
S (doing a chore): Mom, this is boring.
Mom: S, I do things all the time that are boring to me, but I do them because I have to.
S: But, grown ups don't HAVE to have fun
Mom: (laughing) S, are you saying that adults don't have to have fun, but kids do?
S: Yes.
J, adding a to everything he says: MommA, yesA
Mom: Hmmm, someone smells a bit ripe... J, do you stink?
J: I NO POOPY! S POOPY! (yelling)
Mom: My sweet baby boy.
J: I NO BA-BEE. I J!
Mom: You're so cute, J.
J: I NO cute! I J!
Whenever someone does something J doesn't like, regardless of who it is:
J: BaBoy! BA BOY!
On Dad's birthday
S: I wonder when I'm going to get one.
Mom: One, what?
S: (hear the eye roll) a cell phone.
The next day
S: Then, you can wrap it up, like it is a ball, and I will think it is a ball, and then I'll unwrap it, and it is that!
Mom: Wrap what up?
S: An iTouch! I really, really want my own, mom. You can get it for my birthday!
J, trying to get my attention:
Mom. Mom. Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo! (all high and sing-songy, as many times necessary until I clue in)
A J Prayer
eeh oo-er .... Dad, Home. Mom, Home. Ma-em, home. Mem, home. Don, Home. ee ee ay. AMEN!!! (With arms raised to heaven)
S: Mom, I love you more than the girls.
M: I love you, too, S.
Dad: How much to you love me, S?
S: (with no pause) Not at all.
S: I only LIKE you, Dad.
J: (pointing to diaper) Poo (means exactly what he says, even though he runs away when I try to take him at his word!)
S: I'm cwazy about Cwistmas!
Mom: Sean, do you want to come and help me make cookies?
S: No, Mom, you can do it. (Tone: I have faith in you.)
J: Boo! (Zaboomafoo), Boo! (Balloon), Boo! (Backyardigans), Maaa, Daaa, Whoaaa! Schoo (shoe), Schoo (sock), grrrrrr (any animal), Go!
E: I have a bad-luck foot.
S: When I grow up, I'm going to be Superman.
Mom: I love you, my Superman.
S: NO! I'm not Superman now! Only when I grow up to be a dad!
Uncle Lance: I'm Lance Luthor, your arch enemy!
J: (whenever I guess what he wants, or he answers a question) YEAH!!!!! (There is always at least three exclamation points after he says this word.)
Mom: S, why don't you want to go to church?
S: I think, because I don't want to sing.
Mom: Why don't you want to sing?
S: Because, when I sing loud, I sound like a girl!
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